The autumn of life has been going on in single mode for far too long – after all, this applies to every third German over 65 years of age.
Previous relationships have broken down or the partner has already passed away. Daring a new love, many want. But only a few manage to find one.
So what to do if you don’t want it to stay that way?
Then you should first and foremost deal with your expectations. Because: “Some things are different in old age,” explains Dorothee Döring. The qualified teacher, born in 1949, has not only written a book about finding a partner in old age. But also one about how togetherness can succeed.
She says: “You’re not as spontaneous and carefree as you were when you were young.” After all, you have legacy issues from previous relationships.
And: “Especially when you’re older, you don’t want to make any more mistakes, because you want to have learned from mistakes.”
So cool head at the beginning of a relationship instead of butterflies in your stomach?
For the qualified psychologist and family therapist Matthias Richter, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. “While being in love is the main focus when you’re young, older couples may be more concerned with the extent to which there is a fit in practical areas of life,” says the 66-year-old, himself a second marriage. “Can you imagine taking on the challenges of old age together? Whether there are common interests.”
Even if it may seem to some people that one should not let too much time pass in old age, one should find out in peace. About joint ventures. “Because at that age it’s increasingly about spending free time together,” says Richter. “And of course the interests have to fit to some extent.”
The most important thing, emphasize the experts: talking to each other. Even in old age, this should be the recipe for success par excellence for relationships – also for physical closeness.
“For example, you can say: I like it when you touch me. That helps,” says psychologist Prof. Frieder Lang. “And if it’s not like that, it can still be important for the other person to be touched.”
In general, relationships in old age no longer have to be classic love relationships: “Even with separate households and even without any sexuality, you can feel a stable good friendship as a great happiness in life, which is not far from that of a partnership,” says the Expert.