In a restaurant last week, I was seated near a group of thirtysomethings, four women and two men. After some inconsequential tittle-tattle, one of the women brought up Donald Trump’s “misogyny” and then got on to Gisèle Pelicot, 72, the French woman who has become a feminist heroine for her courageous stand against the many men who used and abused her. Her 71-year-old husband Dominique has admitted drugging her and inviting dozens of men to rape her. While he watched.
The women at the table shared disbelief and revulsion, while, first, one of the blokes, then the other slunk off to the loo. When they were back, one of the women fiercely turned on them: “You see, you men don’t talk about rape. It’s like it is not your problem.” “That’s not fair. Not all men,” retorted one. The conversation moved swiftly on.
Back in the days when tough feminists like Andrea Dworkin were perceived as branding all men rapists and all penetrative intercourse rape, I too thought those assertions iniquitous and unfair. But now, like the aforementioned lady, I too am losing patience with men who do not violate females, yet are content to let things be, to see rape as a female issue.
We who came out for Sarah Everard – who was abducted, raped and murdered by a serving police officer – and for all other similar victims of sadistic male domination, thought our eruptive anger would deeply affect men, and trigger fundamental reforms in society and the criminal justice system. But the words and demos were like fireworks. They blazed and died away.
A senior police officer has just warned that the 1,400 rape allegations made in Scotland in the space of six months this year could be “the tip of the iceberg”. The figure is 19.5 per cent higher than in the same period last year. Last month, data from the Met revealed that a rape offence is reported every hour in London.
Gisèle Pelicot was a victim of organised crime by the man she was married to for 50 years. She has chosen to appear in open court, to humiliate and mortify him and all those who so callously handled and penetrated her comatose body. The shame, she says, is theirs, not hers.
The journalist Angelique Chrisafis has profiled many of the accused for The Guardian. One of them is a 26-year-old soldier; another, 55, previously an anaesthetic nurse; a prison warden, 34; a 40-year-old computer expert with two degrees; a fire officer, 72, who now owns a pizzeria; several lorry drivers and builders; a butcher, 54; supermarket worker, 44; a father, 43, who had given up work to care for his disabled son. Most are married and have children.
One message posted on a wall opposite the entrance to the Avignon courthouse says: “Gisèle, women thank you.” Now wouldn’t it be gratifying to read another which said: “Gisèle, we men honour you.”? But it won’t happen.
After Ms Everard’s murder, Suzanne Harrington expressed the unspoken thoughts of many women in the Irish Examiner: “Yes, all men are part of the problem. Yes, all men need to own it, and take action. Yes, all men are complicit in rape culture unless they are actively calling out rape culture. Not all men are rapists, obviously, but most rapists are men. Not all men are catcallers, harassers, intimidators, murderers, but the massive majority of those who perpetrate these crimes and behaviours are men.
“So holding up your hands and saying you’re one of the good guys is not enough; being a fantastic partner is not enough; being woke/feminist/on message is not enough. You need to do more. You need to be active, not passive or neutral. You need to police each other, to intervene, to butt in, to call out.”
In other words, guys, get out of your comfort zones and activate your conscience. Stand with your wives and partners, your daughters, mothers, sisters, aunts, the other half of humanity. Do it for us and yourself.
I now understand that Dworkin was not a man-hater. She used shock tactics to teach people what rape did to victims and perpetrators. She wanted folk to understand that most rapists were not psychos, but “normal” chaps. And she challenged men to change: “[Women] do not want to do the work of helping you to believe in your humanity. We cannot do it anymore. We have always tried. We have been repaid with systematic exploitation and systematic abuse. You are going to have to do this yourselves from now on and you know it.”
That was 50 years ago. How much longer can we wait?