How much are you getting? Do you feel satisfied? What positions do you prefer? These were just some of the questions a group of strangers asked me over the weekend, but we weren’t talking about sex.
Instead, I was attending Europe’s first-ever sleep festival, Sleep Fest, held in Vilnius, Lithuania. The event brought together a 500-strong audience eager to uncover the secrets to a perfect night’s rest, with insights from experts such as neuroscientist Matthew Walker, neurologist Evelina Pajediene and Dr Michael Grandner, director of behavioural sleep medicine at the Banner-University medical centre.
By the afternoon coffee break (decaf, of course), sleep was all we could talk about – comparing data from our Oura Rings and Apple Watches, and boasting about those rare nights when we nabbed a perfect sleep score.
“I didn’t get a very good score last night,” says Matteus Nielson, 47, who travelled from Poland for the festival. “Maybe I was tired from travelling, or excited for today. I think I got about five hours, that’s what my watch says, but I feel OK. I’ve had worse.”
Anya Collier, 62, from Hamburg, claims to have not slept properly for decades. “I used to sleep like the dead, but then I had kids and went through the menopause,” she says.
“It’s never been the same since. I’m like my mother, she is also a terrible insomniac. Maybe it’s in our genes? I’m used to being tired all the time, I’ve just learnt to live with it, but I’d like to one day learn how to sleep properly. I’ve tried everything, but nothing seems to work.”
If the festival had a motto, “I’ve tried everything, but nothing seems to work” would be a strong contender. Everyone I spoke with was desperate to understand where they were going wrong.
Should they be taking melatonin supplements or investing in blackout blinds? Would sleep deprivation treatment help, or maybe a heat-moderating duvet cover? Should we ban sex from the bedroom and sleep alone?
I was exhausted just listening to the options. It made me wonder – are we all trying too hard?
“Sleep is a biological requirement for human life,” says Dr Grandner, opening speaker at Sleep Fest. “Our need for it parallels that for air, food and water. It’s non-negotiable, but for some reason sleep deprivation has become a pandemic and it’s slowly killing us.”
We all know sleep is important, but scientists are now discovering just how paramount getting the right amount of rest is.
“There’s lots of stuff that happens during sleep,” explains Dr Grandner. “The first few hours are the deepest, when the body performs tissue growth and repair, allowing healing and restoration. It’s also the time when the brain to flushes out waste products, creating room for the stuff it does need.”
This is called synaptic pruning, which makes way for rapid eye movement sleep. Also known as REM, this type of sleep is essential for memory consolidation, emotional processing, brain development and dreaming.
A typical night consists of four or five sleep cycles, each lasting about 90–120 minutes, and as the night progresses, you’ll spend less time in deep sleep and more time in REM. Not allowing the brain enough time to go through these cycles can cause problems for both body and brain.
“Dozens of studies across several decades have documented that sleep duration is a significant predictor in mortality,” explains Dr Grandner. “Insufficient sleep and sleep disorders are not only associated with more menial issues, such as increased likelihood to get sick, poor decision making and memory problems, but also an increased risk of obesity, diabetes, heart attack and stroke, as well as depression, stress and suicide.”
Sleep is an undeniable essential in our wellbeing toolkit. But as I sat in a dark auditorium at midday, watching a slideshow about the importance of getting at least two hours of daylight and avoiding blue light, the irony wasn’t lost on me.
We were all here in search of the elusive secret to better sleep, yet, as any insomniac can attest, we already know the sleep commandments by heart: maintain a consistent sleep schedule, avoid caffeine after 3pm, keep screens away an hour before bed and create a calming wind-down routine.
As for the technology, sleep gadgets and apps have never been more sophisticated. Last year, the global market for sleep tech was valued at £16.3bn, and it’s only set to grow. A recent Loughborough University article featured innovations such as pyjamas with sensors to track posture, breathing and heart rate changes, as well as a robot pillow that creates a calming breathing pattern to help users drift off.
Yet, despite all this, nearly one in five people in the UK still aren’t getting the recommended seven to nine hours of sleep per night.
So, where are we all going wrong?
First, it’s important to differentiate between sleep issues and chronic insomnia, says Dr Alicja Juškiene, associate professor at the Lithuanian University of Health Sciences.
“Insomnia and sleep deprivation are closely related, but aren’t the same,” she explains. “If you’ve had sleep problems for more than three months – that includes taking longer than 30 minutes to fall asleep, waking up multiple times in the night or still feeling tired after waking – then you may have insomnia, which requires treatment from your GP.”
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy remains the most effective treatment for insomnia, but what about those of us who don’t have a formal diagnosis, yet still struggle to fall asleep?
“Effort is the enemy of sleep,” explains Dr Grandner. “Nobody gets to sleep by trying harder, but many of us still struggle. Sometimes we have difficulty giving ourselves permission to take the time to sleep enough, whether that’s because of work stresses, social pressures or simply spending too much time scrolling.
“However, sometimes sleep itself becomes elusive. You know that feeling when you’re lying in bed, stressed that you’re not sleeping while also desperately trying to sleep? That’s called conditioned arousal and it’s a serious hurdle.”
Conditioned arousal is a state of hyperarousal where, in this case, the act of going to bed becomes a trigger for anxiety and frustration. The more time you spend lying awake, the more stressed you may feel, and over time your body begins to expect this anxiety whenever you enter your bedroom.
Frustratingly, the only solution is learning to relax. If you’re unable to do so, Dr Grandner recommends leaving the bedroom until sleep pressure (your body’s need for sleep) builds up again.
Easier said than done, perhaps, but the most important step is to stop worrying about it.
“Nobody is the perfect sleeper and there’s no foolproof recipe for a perfect night,” says Agne Ramanauske, another speaker at Sleep Fest. “When you’re having trouble sleeping, it’s very easy to become consumed by it, but we can become our own worst enemy. Remember, if you lose sleep for a night or two, nothing bad will happen. You will feel a bit tired, but your body will catch up.”
As for devices, the experts agree we can’t improve what we aren’t measuring, but it’s important to take the data with a pinch of salt.
“Sleep tracking is useful, but many devices provide information that most people do not know how to use. In that sense, they can become unhelpful or – worse – harmful,” adds Dr Grandner. “What matters is: how do you feel? Do you have enough energy to get through the day and feel as if you’re functioning well?
“Sometimes the simplest strategies can remove even the toughest barriers. I can’t advocate enough for allowing your body time to wind down in the evening, and if you still can’t drift off then don’t panic. A few nights of poor sleep won’t do any lasting damage.”
Perhaps now we can all rest assured, literally.