In our weekly series, readers can email in with any financial dilemma and enter the Money Moral Maze.
Are your friends racking up big drinks tabs and then trying to split the bill equally, is your partner overspending on your joint account? No matter your dilemma, email in anonymously, and the i money and business team will do our best to answer.
This week’s dilemma can be found below – email us at [email protected] with yours.
Dilemma
I’ve been living with my best friend since January and I couldn’t be happier. It’s us and two other housemates who we met in a Facebook group for girls looking to rent last year, and thankfully, we all get along well… I’ve heard some horror stories!
Because the two of us were close before moving into the house, and because we have similar working patterns, we tend to cook together so every Sunday morning we go food shopping.
The other two girls just do their own things – it works for us.
To make it easier at the tills, one of us – we usually alternate – will pay for the whole shop.
When we get back from the supermarket, we sit on the sofa and work out how much one owes the other. Once we have a figure, whoever paid will add this to our Splitwise account to keep track of how much we’re spending each week.
I like to think I have a lot of self-control when it comes to the food shop, making a list beforehand so I only buy what I need. My friend, however, is quite the opposite. She goes in blind, pick items up left, right and centre, so her bill is often significantly more than mine.
We have been friends for a long time so we are pretty open about most things but I have noticed that sometimes when she is totting up how much her bill has come to on weeks when I have paid, she is missing items off.
The first time this happened, I didn’t think much of it as I thought it was a mistake. And it is never anything too expensive – the odd packet of biscuits here and shampoo bottle there – but it has happened a fair few times now.
I don’t want to argue with her over money but I’m starting to notice a trend and it feels like she’s doing it deliberately now as a way to save cash.
Should I bring this up with her or should I just let it go?
Emily Braeger, i’s money reporter, replies
Discussing money with friends will always be uncomfortable, however close you are.
But just because it’s a conversation you don’t want to have, it doesn’t mean it’s one you shouldn’t have.
Whether she is your best friend or not, it isn’t fair on you for her to expect you to pay for things she should be paying for. I think the main issue here is the way she is going about it.
If she is doing this because she is struggling financially, she should talk to you about this and I’m sure together you could come up with a solution to ease some pressure, like switching to a cheaper supermarket to do your weekly shop.
Trying to sneak items past you, assuming or hoping that you wouldn’t notice, is not on. You aren’t her mother, you have no obligation to dip into your own pocket to help her out.
If it’s been happening for a little while now, I would assume that she isn’t going to bring the issue up with you, so now that’s your job.
You may find that it is just down to her forgetfulness or shoddy calculations, but luckily, as you have been tracking your spending on Splitwise, the two of you can go back through old receipts and total up how much she owes you.
If she isn’t willing to do this or starts to get defensive, you know there is a wider issue here. If this does happen, I would suggest that you start doing your own food shopping, or, if you do cook a lot of meals together, do one big main shop a week with everything you will be sharing, and buy your own snacks, toiletries etc separately.
Alternatively, you could always add the items on Splitwise yourself. This may be a more passive aggressive move but it will mean you are getting paid the fair amount.
Money is rarely worth fighting over but you can’t let people walk all over you, especially not today when prices are high and money for many people is tight. Good luck!
