“Same again?” says the man behind the counter of my local off-licence as I stand looking over the selection of vape flavours that will see me through the next few days. We’ve become well acquainted over the past few months – I come in multiple times a week to get my hit of nicotine vapour and he orders in my favourites ready to go. It’s become a ritual, and I laugh as I choose out ‘Banana Ice’ and ‘Blueberry Raspberry’. The two he knew I’d pick.
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment my addiction began, nor am I proud of it. Growing up, my parents and older sister smoked and I looked at them in judgement every time they left the room for a cigarette. On Christmas Day we weren’t allowed to open any presents until my mum had finished her morning puff, and my dad couldn’t get through a meal without at least two smoke breaks. It was a habit I’d grown to hate.
Of course I knew it was also terrible for their health. Even as a 10-year-old I’d make a point of wagging my finger at the picture on the cigarette box when they picked up their supply, and I was mortified when they’d get them in bulk abroad and use my suitcase to bring them back. I’d trudge along in a grump wheeling my ladybird luggage bag through the airport.
As a teen, when my friends started to try it, I politely refused and it was rare you’d see me in the smoking area of a bar. “I don’t know why people your age do it,” my mum would always say. “We were never told of these side effects when we were young and now it’s too late.”
Last year when all my friends, and dad, switched over to vapes in an attempt to become healthier, I was adamant it was something I would also never do. I was clearly wrong, and now my habit is worse than theirs combined.
Like me, one million people in England now vape despite never having been regular smokers. In 2021, one in 200 e-cigarette adults without a smoking habit were vapers but now it’s one in 28, according to a study published in The Lancet Public Health journal. Vaping rates are also the highest among those aged 16 to 24 at 15.8 per cent. I fit both categories.
It started as a small habit. My boyfriend bought two on a four-hour drive and out of boredom I had my first puff. I’d put myself on a diet at the time and the taste of cola bottles was better than the sweets. From then, I’d keep a small vape bar (with 600 puffs) in the car and would only use it on long drives. I told myself it was fine, it wasn’t a cigarette. Then it progressed. I started using it in the evenings too, and then the mornings, and then all day. At first they’d last around five days but very quickly the small bars would only be going for a few hours. Then I was buying the bigger bars with 4000 puffs. They’d last me two days, and soon enough I was spending over £60 a week fuelling my addiction.
It was very out of character for me. As a regular gym-goer, I’m very health-conscious and never go to bed without 10,000 steps, a weightlifting session and my protein goal hit. The same still applies, although vaping pretty much continuously for at least six hours of the day has joined the list. The taste drew me in, and the variety has kept me hooked.
Recently, instead of confronting the fact I’m struggling to go a few minutes without a toke of flavoured air, I purchased a £25 electronic vape to save money. Buying the small liquids, at four for £12, saves me half the money each month, but it’s made the habit worse. With less guilt about my spending, I tend to use the vape more often. I sleep with it on my bedside table, and then during working hours, it sits at my desk. The smoking device has become an extension of my hand, rivalled in attention only by my phone.
Living alone has made me the perfect candidate to get hooked. There’s no parents around to criticise my addiction, no little brother to ask me what I am doing and naively ask to try some. An evening lounging on the sofa watching movies no longer involves making up bowls of snacks and popcorn, but now sees me just refilling my vape with a new flavour to try. Clouds of smoke fill the room as drama kicks off on-screen.
It’s worth noting that I’m extremely embarrassed about it. A stream of smoke following you on the street screams vape addict, and I regularly try to hide it up my sleeve so someone else can take the blame. Still, I don’t seem to be able to stop. The idea of the cinema is horrifying as that’s at least 90 minutes without my electronic pal hitting my lips, and even a trip for a pub lunch isn’t all that fun anymore. Slowly I have turned into my dad, and not for good reason.
Yes, my nicotine addiction seems to be much better than becoming hooked to cigarettes like some of my friends but it feels like I’m not miles behind them. Nick Hopkinson, medical director at Asthma + Lung UK and professor of respiratory medicine and The National Heart and Lung Institute, previously told i: “Vaping isn’t risk-free and more research is needed on its long-term effects. It can cause inflammation in the airways, which may cause harm over time, so we don’t recommend that anyone uses e-cigarettes unless they are trying to stop smoking.
“Nicotine is addictive, so many people find it hard to give up because of cravings caused by nicotine withdrawal”.
It goes without saying that I wish I’d never started, and I see why Keir Starmer is planning to ban disposable vapes. That’s how I started – and without the cheap offering I wouldn’t have thought to keep buying them.
Dr Katie Tyron, director of health strategy at Vitality Health, previously shared her top tips to quitting. Identify triggers, keeping busy and setting a realistic stop date are among her recommendations. Withdrawal symptoms from smoking usually disappear within two to four weeks, according to the Better Health Channel, and I want to try and kick the habit.
The longer this goes on the more determined I am. Not only because of the headlines reminding me I’m being detrimental to my health, but because 10-year-old me would be disgusted. I apologise to her and her ladybird suitcase.
