It took me all of five minutes to start feeling sorry for Phillip Schofield in Cast Away. Sitting in a sun-dappled garden eating dinner with his family – daughters Ruby and Molly, ex-wife Steph, dog Alfie at his feet – he was surprisingly self-effacing about the public humiliation he’d been through in the past year. “There’s a lot of people who hope I’ll suffer horribly,” he laughed. In a few days, he would be travelling to his new home: a deserted island off the coast of Madagascar where he would be surviving alone for 10 days.
In a pre-island sit-down interview he told the camera, “I’m not doing this as a ‘poor me’”. Yeah right. The opening episode of the three-part reality show-meets-endurance test was a self-indulgent pity party that punished anyone curious enough to watch with manipulative, plaintive attempts at redemption.
Schofield has become a national joke following his resignation from This Morning (along with all his other ITV jobs, including Dancing on Ice) in May last year after it was revealed he had lied about having an affair with a younger member of production staff. The controversy came not from the relationship itself, but from the fact that when the man was 15 years old when Schofield first met him – and that Schofield had organised his job interview at This Morning. Schofield denies grooming the man and said their relationship was “unwise but not illegal”.
This island self-seclusion is the presenter’s TV rebirth, a relaunch. But first he had to get there without anyone seeing him board a plane and presume he was going on – in his words – “the other jungle programme”. “Even though it’s presented by my best mates … there are just some channels you wouldn’t work for,” he says. Sounds like we won’t ever see Schofield on I’m a Celeb, then – or back on ITV, for that matter.
This was just one of a handful of sly digs at his former workplace. While eating a coconut, he commented that the taste had reached an “angry bitter stage – like some TV presenters”. He revealed that he missed “most of” his old job but followed up with: “You learn a lot about people, I don’t miss that.” While he never mentioned his former co-host and friend Holly Willoughby by name, it was hard not to draw the conclusion that he was referring to her – their fallout in the wake of the affair revelation has been well documented in the tabloids.
The jungle survival part of the programme was nothing we hadn’t seen before – comedian Ruby Wax endured the same experiment for Channel 5 last year, while Bear Grylls and co have been showcasing their own survival skills on screen for years. Watching Schofield fish, start a fire and search for mangoes was much less interesting than what he had to say for himself. Plus, he hadn’t exactly been abandoned – his survival kit included a tent, knives, cooking equipment. He was not Tom Hanksing it.
Obviously – and depressingly – he came off incredibly well. Stories of his late father (who he sometimes speaks to, aloud), memories of feeling suicidal and his daughters pulling him from the brink, and ribbing himself (“I don’t quit – I’m fired, but I don’t quit”) all forced me to warm to him. But I shouldn’t have been surprised – the entire point of this series is to prime us for a Schofield renaissance.
He knows television inside out and after four decades in the industry, he knows exactly how to get an audience on side. From teary confessions to a dramatic cliffhanger (getting lost in the jungle at night time), Schofield pulled every trick in the book – even Joanna Lumley appeared via a pre-recorded video to deliver a good luck message. Because if she’s still his mate, then who are we to deny his absolution? You’d have to be a fool not to question how much of Cast Away is a calculated ploy to regain our affection.
The experience was no doubt a therapeutic one for Schofield. “Every day I can feel my toxicity tanks emptying”, he said. But the biggest question remained unanswered: why was this therapy playing out on my television? Speaking about being hounded by the paparazzi he complained, “If you’re cancelled you can’t do anything. I would take Alfie for a walk and paps would be like a sniper – bugger off and let me get on with the quiet life you’ve given me.” If only we were given the chance.
‘Cast Away’ continues tomorrow at 9pm on Channel 5
