We all have bad days sometimes. Most of the time we can pinpoint exactly what has caused us to feel that way – if we miss the bus and are late for work, say; if arrangements change last minute that makes us feel stressed; or if someone we interact with has been irritable and made us upset.
One of the most useful life skills we can learn and practise is to notice our thoughts and then the resultant feeling we have, and consequently how we behave. This skill helps us to identify what or who has triggered an emotional response and why we feel the way we do. We can then reframe things and use strategies to either let go of the feeling or thought, process it, or tackle the cause of the problem at source and as a result feel better.
But sometimes we can’t identify why we have woken up feeling a bit low, sad, anxious or stressed. Sometimes we just think thoughts and feel feelings and there seems to be no rhyme or reason. On these occasions, we can’t necessarily tackle the cause at source.
So, if you are having a bad day, how can you deal with it and feel better, so you don’t make things worse for yourself?
Accept it
As humans we always want to find a reason behind things, but feelings and thoughts cannot always be dealt with in this way. Instead of trying to unpick why and trying to resist feeling how you do, instead try to accept that it is OK to have a bad day and to feel the way you feel. This way, paradoxically, feelings can be processed faster, and in a much healthier way. You can then put your energy into supporting yourself.
Don’t judge yourself
On a bad day we tend to have lots of thoughts of “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “What is wrong with me?” or “I should be able to feel better”. This judgement only adds another layer of pressure, unhappiness and shame. Remember that everyone has days like this and it doesn’t mean you have “failed” or there is something “wrong” with you – it only shows that you are human. Breathe and remember that you are not alone in how you feel.
Take comfort
When you are having a difficult day, the best thing you can do is to fall back on kindness to yourself. Don’t force yourself to do things that are going to make you feel worse. Instead, do things that make you feel emotionally safe and comforted. Maybe that is pulling a blanket around you, having a cup of tea, watching something you are familiar with, or having a small sleep. If you find yourself at work or unable to do this at home, tell someone you trust at work who can look out for you that day.
Work with it
Give up expectations or goals you had set yourself that day. Instead, make them smaller and more manageable, such as making yourself something nice to eat, or going to bed early. We expect ourselves to be super-productive all the time, every single day. This is impossible and not realistic. Work with how you feel – you can still get things done, but maybe less and on a smaller scale. You should still feel so proud of these things, because anything and everything can feel harder on a bad day.
Know it will pass
If you are having a bad day, remember that tomorrow is another day. You have the chance to reset now, and maybe you will feel better later today, but maybe not – and that’s OK. Knowing that tomorrow you are likely to wake up feeling a bit better can help you get through a tough day. Going to bed early, preparing things for tomorrow in small ways, and putting away your phone and mentally drawing a line under today can help you have a sense of hope that tomorrow will be better.
